Said the children's 7-year-old spokesperson, through a translator, "Our parents brought us to the United States because the innovations begun here during the Obama years haven't reached Latin America on the scale that might be expected. Everyone needs to stop treating us like we're babies. If President Obama thought we were old enough for sex, and the world's power structure, particularly the nonsatirical media, spent most of his years in office trying to have stupid terms such as 'child molestation,' 'child rape,' 'child exploitation,' 'lewd and lascivious conduct with a child,' and 'statutory rape' abolished not only from the language that describes crimes but also from being conceptualized as if the acts those terms convey are criminal or morally wrong, then we can damn well take a joke or two from the Onion. Everyone thinks that we haven't been talking to our parents while we're in captivity, but we totally are...
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